Last month, I received a query via iamandco.com asking for “experts to speak on female sexual frustration and the best ways to deal with it, especially when using a partner isn’t an option.”

Here’s what I had to say:

Women’s sexual frustration and how to deal with it *when using a partner isn’t an option* is an interesting thing to consider. Does this mean being a single woman who doesn’t want to randomly hook up? Or, does this mean being a partnered person in a sexually incongruent relationship? It probably can mean both of these, as well as a litany of other scenarios.

What’s interesting to consider here are the limitations and boundaries we put on women’s sexualities, as well as on the process of then seeking ways to navigate and negotiate issue related to sexual dissatisfaction. In instances such as these – wherein, for better or worse, there are limitations placed on solutions – it’s always best to seek out information. In this specific case, a good place to start would be information about self-pleasure.

Depending on where one is at in the process of their own sexuality, this could mean anything from becoming comfortable with the idea of masturbation to learning how to discovering what’s out there in the sex toy world. Exploring adult novelties is a process in of itself – there are a lotof options, and figuring out where you are comfortable is key. A person may be interesting is a discrete sex toy for private moments, or a person might be interested in a treat yo’self option that would make Donna Meagle proud. A Motorbunny could be a great choice in this instance.

The most important thing to remember when working through a situation like this is to always be mindful of where your ideas about what’s “normal” and what are pathways to manage “normal” come from. It is 100 percent okay manage factors such as a partner not being an option – but always be mindful of where your feelings about these factors come from. The boundaries we experience are often the products of social pressures and our own negotiations therein. Be mindful of that context and be honest with yourself as you find your way through.

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