I recently corresponded with Alia Stearns, writing for UPROXX, about being a dude and also a feminist ally, as well as something that emerged from the mind of her editor in the process — “Sex Experts Tell Us Exactly How To Make Our Sex Lives Better.”
I’m not a sex expert per se, but sex is (often) a social behavior — and that I *can* comment on.
Alia introduced the contributor-generated advice listicle in the following way:
In a recent study, participants who were nonmonogamous reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction and more frequent orgasms. But the study used a fairly small sample size and was all self-reported — so the degree to which the research can be relied upon is questionable. Nonetheless, the news was greeted with no small amount of enthusiasm because most of us are looking to have better sex, more often…
[DrCT’s note: Daaaang I am so glad to see a note about methodology here. Small sample sizes, etc are not bad, but it’s refreshing to see context placed in the manner — great work Alia!]
For some solid, practical sex advice, we turned to women who know sex. Can we call them experts? Hell, yeah. Sociologists, doctors, sex workers, and sex toy retailers are exactly the brains we want to pick about naked time. And, they dropped knowledge that is applicable to people of any gender and any preference…
Check out the whole shebang of advice on UPROXX right here. My sociology-isms include:
“Three Practical Ways Everyone Can Make their Sex Life Better, According to a Sociologist”
1. Communicate: From international relations to partner pillow talk, communication is one of the most challenging – and most important – dimensions of social interaction. It’s also one of the most difficult things to work on. Try to figure out how whomever you’re corresponding with communicates, and encourage them to consider you in this manner too. Misunderstanding and poor communication are huge blocks for so many social situations.
2. Take social norms into account: We all have things we like and dislike, as well as things we are interested in and so would never. This is totally fine. You are 100% entitled to your own sexual proclivities. But when thinking about making improvements to your sex life – and really, improvements to any aspect of your life – always take a beat to consider where those feelings come from. A lot of what we think, especially when it comes to sex, comes from wider social ideals and norms. This doesn’t mean they’re wrong, both in general or for you specifically, but always take a moment to consider the source of your beliefs and desires.
3. Be open: Be open to considering new things, but also be open to the possibility that you know what’s in your own mind and heart. It sometimes takes just as much confidence to stay true to your wants and desires as it does to push your own boundaries. In a world fraught with sexual shame and issues related to consent, it’s important to be okay with where you stand — while you work on communication and also are okay with where others stand as well.
— Chauntelle Tibbals (@DrChauntelle) April 5, 2018
The dudes at UPROXX have always been a sassy bunch — which I knew firsthand from my time as a contributor there — and the comments on this piece didn’t disappoint. My third point — Be open — got a Beavis and Butt-Head style laugh right off.
Thanks guys, I miss you!
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Got a sociology question? Need some social justice informed life advice? Contact Dr. Chauntelle right here.