Early last month, I spoke with Bobby Box, who was writing about size queens for Playboy — namely, in defense of size queens.
Why in the world do size queens need defending? Does a girth queen need defending? An ass man?
They shouldn’t, but maybe they do — not because people with sexual and desire preferences should be defending themselves though. More because the inequalities related to why said people may be shamed (to varying degrees, obvs) need dismantling. And part of said dismantling may involve speaking out and/or defending.
As always, you can read all my commentary/correspondence regarding this piece below — enjoy!
Bobby Box: Have you any idea how the phrase “size queen” came to be? I’ve read it started in the gay community and grew from there.
DrCT: As far as I know, that’s true. The first time I can recall hearing “size queen” was in the context of the gay community, though I don’t know specifics beyond that (e.g. things like era, if there was a particular group or person within the community that started using the term, etc).
BB: Can a size queen’s preference in big penises be considered a fetish? (Or, is that exactly what it is: a fetish?)
DrCT: A person’s preference for large penises can be a fetish, certainly. It can also just be a preference.
At its simplest conceptualization, a fetish is when erotic desire and gratification is linked to particular object – an item of clothing, a part of the body, etc. A person could thus easily link perceived (more on “perceived” below) penis size to their sexual expression in a fetishizing way.
At the same time, all human bodies are a little bit different and all people have sex at least a little bit differently. It could also be that a person simply gets more out of a penis that is on the larger size. This too can be linked to relative size and perception.
On “perceived” large penises – The perception of size is all relative. Yes, there are certainly measurements people can take (inches, average sizes, etc), but in life and in media, perception cannot be discounted. What feels and seems large to one person may be too large to another – or, not large at all, etc. As such, one person’s size queen may be another person’s average cock.
Another thing to consider is the manipulation of size and scale that can occur with media presentation. Tom Cruise and Kit Harington (John Snow in “Game of Thrones”) may look like giant superheroes on screen, but the internet says Cruise is 5’ 7” and Harington is 5’ 8” (and there’s a lot of speculation about both those figures being exaggerated). The same goes with media penises.
Depending on who a penis is attached to and/or presented near, size may look relatively different. So when one watches media and thinks they are eroticizing a large cock, what they may instead be eroticizing is something that’s closer to average. It’s context dependent.
BB: Why do you think size queens are prone to slut shaming? Is it because men’s egos are so fragile on the topic?
DrCT: Our social world seems to slut shame anyone who seems to take control of their sexual agency. For gay men, sexual expression has been evaluated against heteronormative expression and shamed endlessly, size queens included. For heterosexual women who make a finer point of penis size preferences, they too certainly are evaluated against perceived heteronormative norms.
(Perceived norms are often not correspondent with actual behavior, but that’s a whole other topic.)
BB: Is there a genetic reason women are into larger penises? (Example: she has a deeper/wider vagina, etc.)
DrCT: There could certainly be some physical reason why some women prefer penises that are of certain, relative sizes. All bodies are shaped in unique ways, meaning that some penises may just fit right – be they larger, thicker, longer, smaller, average, etc.
BB: Do you think for many size queens this preference has been influenced by porn? Like, was a big penis always valued in history, or more sensationalized throughout the years through media?
DrCT: One need to only look as far as Tom of Finland (which is a pretty mainstream and contemporary example, sure, and is the first thing that comes to my mind) to see the links between erotica and media and art and masculinity and large penises.
Bobby asked one additional question as a followup. Here it is, along with my response:
BB: Why do you think size queens are judged but men who like big boobs and butts arent?
DrCT: The most obvious reason size queens may be judged but men with parallel preferences for parts of women’s bodies are not is tied to sexism, specifically heterosexism (as, as I’ve mentioned, aspects of gay men’s sexualities are often shamed). I mean, self described “ass men” might get an eye roll response, but that’s generally the extent of it. In spite of internet lip service, we still live in a world that policies women’s sexualities differently and more harshly than men’s. This is why we see this response pattern, at least in part.
(pictured: image via Playboy)
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