Are strip clubs bad for your relationship?
Put simply, no. But keeping secrets and being dishonest about your erotic desires and related behaviors (and being in situations where you feel compelled to do so) probably is.
I’ve always been one of those people… When a friend would tell me their partner stepped out on them and they were furious with the person they “cheated” with (less so with the actual cheater), I would be the unsympathetic ear that said “It’s not a problem with that third party. It’s a problem with your significant other — and with the relationship in general.”
…because even though it doesn’t feel good and even though I myself am far from perfect at this, interpersonal dynamics rely on communication. And if your partner wants something you don’t or thinks about a relationship in a way that’s a deal-breaker for you, well, that’s a good thing to know. Because it’s probably time to move on.
Bobby Box at Bustle recently asked me about relationship dynamics and my thoughts re strip clubs (8/27/15) — namely, are strip clubs bad for your relationship?
You can read the interview in full right here, but this quote basically sums up my position:
“Things like porn or strip clubs aren’t the problem. The danger is when people aren’t honest with their partners or refuse to talk about it.”
Strip clubs are not nefarious entities looking to steal partners, nor are dancers out looking to take your man (though certainly some people may — but that’s people, not strippers). Our wider cultural ideologies (read: hang ups) about sex ascribe meanings to sexualized entities like strip clubs and exotic dancers. This operates in conjunction with another social problem – our generalized inability to talk about sex stuff.
It’s not the strip club that’s the problem — it’s discordant ideas about what they (supposedly) mean.
So, are strip clubs bad? Nope. That doesn’t mean that you have to like them, but it’s probably a good idea to at least talk about how you feel.
(pictured: image via Bustle)
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