Where does a threesome novice go to get some practical advice? 

Thrillist!

I recently spoke to Jeremy Glass at Thrillist about a very serious topic: Threesomes. Namely, for the uninitiated threesome novice, how does one go about broaching the topic with your partner — and perhaps having the most fun ever! (or not)

You can read Jeremy’s write up of our conversation on Thrillist here — “An Amateur’s Guid to Asking your Partner for a Threesome” (6/28/16)

…and you can read our full correspondence below. Enjoy!

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JG: How does one broach the topic of a threesome with a significant other?

DrCT: How one broaches the topic of a threesome with a significant other totally depends on the significant other and the nature of your relationship with that person. For some, coming right out and saying “Let’s do this!” is great. For others, the idea may have to be introduced more delicately, strategically, or not at all. Not everyone is open to the idea (nor do they have to be).

JG: Is there a way to bring this up without hurting anyone’s feelings?

DrCT: Short of having a working crystal ball, there’s no way to predict the future – including emotional output. And because we as a society have attached so much variable and often arbitrary meaning to sex, you can never tell when someone’s feelings may get hurt. As such, all you can really do is attempt to find the most respectful and connected way to make your desires and interests known.

JG: Where does one go to find someone for a threesome?

DrCT: The options for finding a third for your threesome are actually pretty varied – conventional dating sites, sites and communities dedicated specifically to sexual exploration, within your own social network, and professional service providers are all options.

JG: What kind of rules/limits should a couple set in place to ensure the threesome goes well?

DrCT: Rules and limits should definitely be discussed well at the outset of your threesome foray. Ideally, well before it’s actually happening. What limits and rules you set depends on you and your partner (and your third-party – remember to be mindful of that person, they have limits and emotions and expectations too!). Having some form of real-time contingency plan is a good idea too. Especially for your first time, you actually have no idea how you’re going to find the circumstances of the threesome. You may not like it, you may not like a rule you set, you may find yourself overjoyed and totally down to abandon a boundary you set previously. Establishing some form of communication during will be beneficial for everyone as the event unfolds and things get heated.

JG: What happens afterwards if one person seems to really enjoy sex with another person?

DrCT: Like anything in life, new stimuli introduce new possibility. You may find yourself on an adventurous sexual path you’d never before considered after your first threesome. You may also find yourself in some form of emotional and/or relationship turmoil, wondering about the state of your relationship. When you introduce new circumstances, you also introduce new possibilities. This is inevitable. And if the idea of “what if” troubles you, perhaps consider your approach more thoroughly before diving in. It may be that you need to do a bit more emotional and/or relationship work before you and your partner are ready to go there, and that’s totally ok.

JG: Is this sort of material OK to bring up with a loved one?

DrCT: I think so, as long as you’re mindful of your loved one. Only you can determine the tenor of your relationship in this respect. It could be risky, but often times great risk brings great reward!

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Well, what do you think? Is the emotional risk worth the potential reward?

(pictured: Threesome novice?)

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