I recently submitted commentary (June 12) regarding the following query posed by Fatherly:

It’s not totally clear from the research whether women in long term relationships do not initiate sex as much as men, or if men underestimate their partners advances. But generally speaking, many married men appreciate when their wives initiate, or wish they would do it more.

Looking for psychologists, therapists, sexologists, and other experts to explain why women in heterosexual, committed relationships may not want to initiate? Do they fear rejection in the same ways that men might when they do? Do men not always pick up on women’s advances? If a man wants his partner to initiate more, what would be the best way to go about this?

Sadly, my insights seem to have not made the cutalas! Here they are pasted below for your edification pleasure nonetheless.

It’s difficult to assess why women – like, all women – may or may not do anything. For every single woman out there that does something, there are endless other women who will each do something different. So when trying to assess why “women in heterosexual, committed relationships” may or may not want to initiate sex as much as men, it’s useful to consider wider social patterns that impact people on a social level – and then remember that people behave differently within that context.

On a wider social level, when it comes to communication and sex, we live in a world that’s very socially stunted. For various reasons, frank conversations about sex are challenging. So in terms of working through what may feel like discordant or uneven desire, an effective strategy is definitely finding ways to work through the sex communication issue, but in ways that work on individual and couples’ levels. In figuring out the best way to communicate with a partner (which includes figuring out the best way to communicate with you, too!), you will also develop tools to glean insights into other aspects of what they need and want and what works them – this includes advances and hints you may not have seen before.

What do you think?

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Image via Christine Lavarda.

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