I recently corresponded with a writer from Cosmopolitan regarding orgasm denial. The quotes seem to be lost in the ethers of the interwebs, but I have an archive of my statement here — enjoy!

According to me:

Orgasm denial is when a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time – even throughout the duration of a sexual encounter. Like, no orgasm allowed! It’s not unrelated to edging, which is when you spend an extended length of time bringing yourself or another person close to the point of orgasm, but stop abruptly and purposefully just before *it* happens. These are both variations of orgasm control.

From a sociological standpoint, there can be a lot of interpersonal benefit from exploring orgasm control. Orgasm control amongst consenting adults is a pleasurable experience that requires communication and some level of interpersonal trust – two things we struggle with as individuals navigating a very sexually stunted social world.

One strategy for opening up any sort of tentative conversation – and moving into new sex play territory like orgasm denial may certainly constitute “tentative” – is through the use of sexual enhancement items. Be it simply the introduction of some delicious lube or through the use of an elaborate item like a Motorbunny ride along vibrator, turning new sexual experiences into a positive form of play is a great idea. And it helps break down those socially constructed barriers that we all deal with on some level. Just always make sure consent is present!

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